Officially, sometime yesterday, another Tomlinson joined the world population. At least, that's the news that's dribbling in slower than the spittle off the bottom lip of a teething toddler. That's right, the epicenter of babygate itself, Briana, gave birth to a boy...at some point overnight. It's hard to say exactly when. Tumblr began to see posts that it had happened, then there were posts debunking that, then some TV celeb shows and MTV began running the news. And by news, I mean pretty much only that it had happened.
Now...as a woman who has given birth at least once, let's take a little walk through this unconventional skit called babygate...
First off, we are to believe this was a one night stand that Louis participated in wherein he forgot or was too drunk to remember? that Whoopsie...he didn't wear a condom. That's pretty shitfaced to get, but it does happen.
Now, you're Briana, and you've just boned a member of 1D. Next thing you know, you've missed a period, you pee on the stick and discover
For those who have never been pregnant, the rule of thumb is not to go shooting off your mouth to everyone for the first three months. Even if you don't want to wait that long, only really close family usually knows, and you wait several weeks before you tell everyone. Why? Because there is a chance that the baby will not make it. I'm too lazy to look up statistics, but a rather disturbingly large percentage of births, especially first time births, end in the body miscarrying. The idea is not to get everyone all excited and happy for you, only to have it all go to shit the first month or so. Apparently, the first three months are more iffy for fetuses. Once you get past the point where the pregnancy is more stable, that is when you start telling people outside of your inner circle.
Yet, with Briana, it seems as if we heard the news the moment Louis rolled out of her bed. There were some who dug up printed articles talking about her being pregnant with his child as early as a few months before the date we were now told she got pregnant, but make of that what you will. Point is, we knew pretty damn quick, and that seems odd to me. Normal folks don't go blabbering as soon as they find out, and having a celeb involved would make me want to proceed with even more caution. Why put yourself in the spotlight if there is a chance the baby may not make it? How horrible to have to face the nosey press when you are grieving? Why, indeed.
All during the gestation, we got some shady stuff. It took a while for Briana to show, but she is a thin girl and you probably aren't going to be able to tell for a bit. Her family was a bit shady on social media, and there was some proof of photoshopped images of Bri and Louis on the dancefloor. She never attended a 1D concert when they were in her country and state, yet she flew her very pregnant self to the UK to attend one or two.
Curiously, interviewers seemed waaaay more excited about this birth than any of Louis' bandmates, including baby-crazy Harry. And Louis? Looked miserable every time it was brought up. He says he's excited about becoming a father the way I say I'm excited to get a pap smear. Research all the spots where the host mentions it and look at Louis' reaction. In one, he even shoots the woman a glare after she brings it up!
But Wolfine, you say, maybe he is just embarrassed about getting this chick knocked up? To which I say Listen---if Louis did not want it mentioned, he'd tell his overlords and they would convey to the interviewers that all questions about the baby are forbidden. It's a common thing in the entertainment industry. The management or whomever will give the interviewer rules with the understanding if they break the rules, they may have less people to interview in future. So...if Louis had that option, why didn't he take it? This makes me believe management very much wanted news of this baby out there. They made sure the press knew as soon as that stick turned blue for goodness sakes! You wouldn't hear about it for weeks, and then suddenly in the middle of promo for the new album, someone brings it up. The GMA interview was the first to "confirm" I believe, and was worded in such a way that Louis didn't have to say yes or no, he just had to accept the well wishes and mention how excited he was. (Again, think pap smear...with balloons!) And then we immediately get the female interviewer looking at Harry and asking why he is so quiet. I mean...really? What has Harry got to do with this? What was she expecting him to say? Was she expecting him to jump up and start hooting? He didn't look any more or less excited than the actual father, so...seriously, why did she zoom in on Harry? Is it because he has a rep for being baby crazy? I'd really like to know what that was all about, cause that was some seriously awkward shit that went down.
We finally got some papped images of her bump which seemed awkward in that she seemed to be carrying way too high, and everyone carries differently, but there are some physical universal truths. After a few rounds of papping, towards the end, we only got shots of her and her bump if her face was hidden. Apparently there was a relative who had the same hair and looks, and she had shots of her bump and stuff, and they maybe looked suspiciously like Briana's? Again, make of that what you will. There were also some photoshopping that went on to erase the fact that Bri was still smoking during her pregnancy.
If you think Louis and Harry were chilly towards each other during 2013, they had nothing on how chilly Louis was towards Brianna during her pregnancy! He spent very little time with her, and in fact she ran to the UK just to be on the same landmass now and again. Also, during this time, he began supposedly dating Danielle. How's that for chilly? If his PR thought it was a good idea for Louis to be seen hanging with this new gal, going to her family's house, taking her on a ski vacation...all while the mother of his child spent her time alone, if they thought that was good PR for Louis? Then they do NOT understand how women see things. Immediately folks began dragging Louis for being callous towards Briana and his own baby.
Now, if Bri was a real independent gal with her own life and she was all like, "Look, it was a one time thing, we are never going to be a couple, Imma do this on my own, yadda, yadda..." I could kind of see it. But you never heard that from her. In fact, media rags printed stories about how she expected Louis to marry her, or be very involved, buy her a house, take care of them financially, etc. If you believed all the hype, she very much wanted Louis to be around, which just wound up making him look like a dick. Some fans have even begun to speculate this is a calculated smear campaign against Louis in punishment for leaving the label. We'll never really know.
So, Danielle hared off somewhere, and Louis went to LA. After Harry's Big Gay Ark episode, he returned to England and we got some RBB photos and junk. Kendall hared off to Paris, which makes me laugh at the Antis who swore Harry would return to the US because they are so much in wuv. This week, Grimey throws Harry an early birthday party because apparently Harry is...say it with me...flying to LA! Curiously, Louis posts a photo of himself out in the wee hours of the morning with the caption "Can't sleeeep" around the time Harry is in the airport waiting to get into the air. Larries speculate he was either talking to Harry, or just damn excited that Harry was on his way, and this kept him up.
Either way, Harry arrives at LAX smiling like he won the lottery! I mean, there are some pics of him just looking gorgeous which is unfair to begin with. But there are a few where he is smiling so much, it looks like if he bent over the damn sun would shine out of his ass. The boy is HAPPY about something. Seeing Louis soon, perhaps? Then we have radio silence as both boys go MIA. Not weird at ALL.
So then we start getting news of the baby being born. The only photos we get is one shot Briana apparently took of herself showing her belly and legs in the hospital bed. Then, there is a photo of an obvious newborn that they claim is hers....but....someone digs up the exact photo from the Internet that is from another person's Mommy blog? Shady shady.
Now, at this point, you'd expect a word from Louis, like "Hey everyone, I'm a DAD!" Or hell, a baby emoji, since he is so fond of those. Maybe a Tweet from Harry, Liam, or Niall saying "Congrats!" His Mother maybe saying something? Nope...crickets.
When most babes are born, you get things like full name, weight and measurements, time of birth. Hell, I see the name Jacob being thrown around, but I have no idea if that is fan generated or if that is really the kids name. And...no other info. Nothing.
Now...as a Mom, I will tell you this. When my Cub was born, he had complications, and there was a chance he was not going to make it. Therefore, it becomes difficult for people to know what to say to you. They want to congratulate you, but that seems insensitive, and you get hugs and sympathy, which is fine...but any happiness is tempered with prayers for you and the baby and hopes that he will be okay, yadda, yadda. In the end, I never got that flood of happiness and goodwill people generally shower you with when you give birth. And you know...this has that feeling. I'm not saying there may be something wrong with the babe, I certainly hope not! But for the birth of a baby to a celeb, this all seems very anti-climactic.
And we get two photo ops today. One is from Harry, who is visiting some...jungle? I dunno, he went somewhere for lunch and there were a lot of plants. He looked fairly happy still. And we got Louis, who does not. In fact, he was papped shopping for sunglasses. Not a cuddly toy, or wee Adidas gear...some new shades. He looked a little lost in the store, but he was sporting one of those plastic hospital bracelets they make you wear. Some fans questioned why he would have one, as he was not actually a patient? I'm not sure how it works anymore, and can't even tell you if they tagged me or Hubby when my Cub was born. They tagged HIM and me, but I don't recall if you also tag the father who is not admitted. And every hospital is probably different.
So...there ya have it. The most anticipated birth this year, and the fan fare would not fill a teacup. Antis are pointing at this as proof Louis is straight, and certainly not with Harry, and Larries are settling in to wait for a paternity test. Someone said all babes in CA get one if the parents are not married? Good idea anyway, considering Louis is famous and fabulously wealthy.
The sign behind Louis in the sunglass store reads "Stop Glaring." Hmmm...good advice.
ETA: Okay, so in addition to RBB focusing attention on one of the singers of "Erasure" who is out and proud (and who seems to have become a Larry himself!) as soon as this baby news came, RBB is reading a book about being Calm, which was written by a gay author. Terrific advice!
Read some folks' take on this whole birth, and they say the same thing...that the flow of info is missing, the celebrating by grandparents is missing, etc. Apparently Harry's Mum and Stepfather are in LA, but no mention of Louis' Mum jetting out to see her grandchild? And nada from Louis' very social media using sisters. Hmmm.
Also...I saw the video of Louis going into the Sunglass Hut. Weirdly, his friend Oli is already there, waiting for him! Louis gets out of the car, walks on the street for a bit, being asked questions by the guy video taping, checking out his hair in the shop windows. He then goes into the shop, says something to Oli...looks around and comes back out and walks to his car. He buys nothing, and it doesn't look as if he even looks at anything. What it does do is make sure you see the plastic bracelet on him, cause the sleeves on his jacket are hella short. Hard to do when you are a bit on the smol side, but this jacket seems to barely fit him.
This was such a pap walk, and it's like they can't bother to be subtle or cagey anymore. Show up here, phaff around, get photographed, leave. That's the whole thing. No wonder Louis looks a bit lost in the store...he has nothing to do! He, Harry, RBB and SBB all already own sunglasses so no need to buy anymore.
This whole thing is tre weird.